I think why I could afford to be that way in the past was because everyone around me were more innocent, naive..they didn't know what was the true meaning of spite and selfishness. I guess that's how those characters in Enid blyton's boarding school stories are able to be so upright and against this stuff. Somehow I cared less about what people around me felt about the right things and cared more about the things I should. Ahh.. As we grow older sometimes we loose sight of what really matters. Somehow when I lived in that carefree sometimes loner sometimes surrounded by a crowd way I felt happy most of the time. Okay, maybe still spoilt sometimes (feeling really upset when my parents didn't buy me the thing I wanted; pissed at my brothers with their infallible older brother logic that ALWAYS won the arguments..) Never thought about it before but maybe I should take a leaf from the book of my younger self and learn how to not bother about the stupid fkheads around me and focus on what's important in front of me. This year I'd be 20 years old (holy cow!) I don't have a religion (yet? Maybe?) I'm doing a course in uni which I'm not sure is right for me..still trying to find the interesting perspective of what I'm studying.. No idea what I'm going to 'specialize' in. Two decades of my life have passed in what seems like a flash but thinking of all the tiny incidents and bits of memories that come to mind when I think of each year..it's been a really enjoyable long time. Sure there are still the sucky bits thrown in but the good overpowers the bad. This is probably because of the wonderful people around me at all those times..bringing laughter and joy to my life even if I didn't ask for it.. Hope I brought some to yours. =] Now that I'm at this age, I feel old yet young at the same time cause I have a whole life ahead of me. =D time to stop wishing that I could relive the same feeling as before and think of them as happy memories to be taken out once in a while and relived in my mind. We're growing up now. =]